When I was hungover on my couch yesterday, I was bingewatching clips of Gordon Ramsay on the YouTube.
If you know this man’s temperament, you know why I’m deciding to use him as an example of a subject I’ve wanted to talk about with you gents for a while:
And why being able to access this energy is important in your masculine self-development.
Watch 2:10 – 3:40 of this clip here if you aren’t already aware of what Gordon Ramsay’s like on camera.
Gordon Ramsay embodies a certain something that too many modern men are lacking in, or weakly aware of: Righteous anger. It’s refreshing, if you’re used to seeing men either deny and repress and numb their anger, or be controlled by it.
If you can’t let yourself get angry, you’re a weak man. You will be walked over in life. Anger is the energy from which boundaries are set.
The reason “nice guys” don’t get their needs met in their relationships and overall lives is because they’re afraid of boundary-setting and demanding their needs be met making them a bad guy. And some of these weak men end up expressing this anger… Immaturely. Through needy outbursts over petty shit.
These are both unmasculine ways of relating to one’s anger, as both are controlled by it instead of controlling it. A “nice guy” is polarized away from it and fears conflict, whereas a guy who throws tantrums is polarized towards it, and fears spiritual growth and maturity.
Gordon Ramsay is not immature nor a thrower of tantrums. If you’re going to express your anger, you may not want to be as loud and vulgar as him, but you do need to access the underlying energy like he does. When you’re watching him scream at his restaurant staff, odds are you’re rooting for him. He’s pissed, not pissy. He’s making things right and setting boundaries with his kitchen staff, not getting into petty arguments. He’s harnessing the anger, not being its bitch.
Having good, healthy relationships with women and other men requires you to integrate this energy, or else an inability to assert boundaries will draw manipulators into your life who prey on this exact lack of boundaries, or at least make you unable to get your needs met no matter who’s entered your life.
I’m personally not like Gordon Ramsay when I express my anger and set my boundaries. I do it firmly, but calmly, and sometimes even with a smile on my face. Rarely will I yell or shout. This “why are you acting like a shitty person?” firmness, not its volume, is what gives boundary-setting its power, so don’t assume screaming in someone’s face is the only way you can express your anger and set boundaries.
He’s soft, calm, light, and encouraging. This is another masculine energy that he embodies, and it’s the same thing as his anger – direction and boundary-setting.
These kids are inexperienced and amateur, so of course Gordon can afford to be patient and warm with them, though still firm and present. That firmness and presence is MASCULINITY, whether it’s expressed lightly and calmly and encouragingly, or as an angry roar of “get your shit together”.
The adults he works with are trained chefs who should ALREADY know what they’re doing, so mistakes and laziness from them aren’t forgivable. A cooking faux pas from them could get a customer sick, or at least dissatisfied with their food. They should be held to a standard, and Gordon does it well, making no excuses for professional restaurant staff with years of training acting like amateurs.
Now what’s this mean for you?
I imagine some of the men reading this are “nice guys”, or have a shite relationship with boundary-setting for whatever reason. If that’s you, take some pointers from Mr. Gordon Ramsay here. You don’t have to emulate his yelling and insulting, just the firmness and righteousness behind it.
But why does your boundary-setting suck? What trauma and dissociation in you is stopping you from letting your needs be met?
Let’s go over that in coaching.
I used to be a needy nice guy myself, so I know how it is. I’d let people walk all over me and let my relationships drain me, especially the ones I’d have with girls. I’d be terrified of going for what I truly wanted in life, sexually and otherwise. I’d have intense social anxiety that’d get me having panic attacks over the possibility of people not liking me…
Until I got in touch with my anger, and let myself feel it. I let myself have that “fuck you” energy. I wouldn’t explode on people or lose my chill, but I learnt how to put someone in their place when they’d cross a boundary of mine.
And my self-confidence + my relationships with others got much much better for it.
I have this skill, and plenty more to offer you in coaching.
If no one ever taught you how women really work, or how to REALLY attract them…
Nor a holistic, integrated understanding of your own masculinity…
Everything I’ve learnt in my past DECADE of masculine self-development and BSing my way through the dating world, from my mentors and my experiences, will be downloaded into your brain, energetically transferred to you in mere MONTHS. That’s the beauty of working with a mentor, because you’re not just learning from one guy who’s had some experiences. You’re learning from all HIS mentors too, so what a bang for your buck that is 🙂
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