How to arouse a woman

Sexual attraction and sexual arousal are two different things.

Like, you may be ATTRACTED to that clear-skinned blonde college girl in the sundress…

But are you aroused by her?

Does something about her really speak to you, sexually or personally?

Do you feel deeply motivated to pursue her?

Sexual attraction is but the first box to check in your dating life. Arousal is more complex, and while plenty of dating gurus talk about how to be ATTRACTIVE to women – get in shape, be a high-value man, get your lifestyle together, have some game…

I rarely see dating gurus talk about AROUSAL. So let me be the first.

Arousal is a rush of sexual energy, a feeling of stimulation and alertness. Not the same thing as anxiety, though they’re similar.

Like we said in the last email, you need to be able to handle this tension to escalate with a girl.

But what’s she feeling?

She could find a guy attractive, but not want to pursue him. Not get the right feeling from him.

She doesn’t feel like he wants her badly enough, or for the right reasons. She doesn’t feel DESIRED enough. This desire from a man is the fuel her sex drive runs on.

Women are aroused by feeling desired by high-status men.

This is why you could objectively be an attractive guy, but get lukewarm responses from women at best. You’re intellectualizing and trying to force your seduction attempts, not letting their energy naturally flow.

A woman’s sexual arousal is a mirror to yours. If you’re feeling it, so is she. So stop numbing yourself with porn or drugs or other escapes. You need to feel this tension, this sexual arousal, to feel like a man, and to make women feel like women.

YOUR arousal as a man comes from risk and danger. Your masculine sexual energy is stimulated by being on your edge – approaching a pretty woman, being responsible for something that may fail, or even just going for a big lift at the gym.

Women instinctually respond to this sharp energy in a man, and open themselves to it. Their feminine sexual energy is a transformation of it.

They want to BELONG to a man on his edge, who’s moving forward in the world.

Right there is the core of a woman’s attraction to a man, that I see NOBODY talk about besides myself.

The biggest thing about a man that arouses a woman isn’t his height, his fit muscular body, his assets or his money or his lifestyle, his cock, or his game.

Women are turned on by feeling like they belong to a man. A man who can protect them, provide for them, and meet their needs. This is their #1 pleasure in sex and in life.

So next time you deeply desire a girl from your sex and your heart, not just from your head and your fantasies, let yourself feel the energy within you that seeks to ravish her.

Notice every sexy little thing about her body. Let her scent turn you on. Let her soft feminine voice be music to your ears.

Find things to appreciate about her as a person too. Do you love how smart and curious she is? How kind and generous she is? How well her personality clicks with yours?

Letting your raw DESIRE for a girl fuel you is what’ll get her, should you be a good fit for each other. I’ve talked about your masculinity’s deepest source before.

Feeling POSSESSED around a girl, and leaning into this flow state is what’ll get her. Deeply desiring her to be YOURS is what’ll get her, beyond your muscles and your money and your status.

Being avoidant and playing it way too cool doesn’t get high-quality girls to chase you, contrary to what your favorite broken slut-fucking redpill PUA may have told you. This strategy will get you naive, anxious girls who are a pain to be around, while more confident girls will see you for the fearful little boy you are, and avoid you.

Nor does pursuing girls directly when it’s for ego-reasons. Women want to be desired for who they are, not pursued by a needy guy who needs them to fulfil his fantasies.

One of the worst things I ever did for my dating life was pursuing girls I wasn’t even that excited about, for ego-reasons, to make myself feel like I can get SOMEONE, to validate myself as a sexual, romantic being. This did get me some girls, but they weren’t happy to be with me. And I wasn’t happy to have them either. Plenty more girls were turned off by it and hated me for it.

Yet it was amazing how simple attracting certain girls was… When I felt possessed around them, and just fucking went for them. Let myself desire them, and be okay with expressing it. And let myself let all the other girls go. Not even attempt to pursue them if I didn’t get the right feeling of possession around them.

I didn’t always understand this, but now I do – If you can make a girl feel like she belongs to you, she’s yours. You can do anything you want with her. She’ll surrender herself to your leadership. Your sexual polarity will be effortless and through the roof. You’ll strongly desire her, and she’ll mirror that desire right back at you.

These aren’t connections you force, so don’t assume this is a “get any hot girl ever” pass. These are connections you ALLOW to happen, naturally and effortlessly.

This is also not a skill you can learn overnight.

Mastering it takes deep psychological work, painful honesty, sexual energy work, and the right modeling from a man who already gets it.

You may not know how to pull this off, but I do. Let me teach you this deep holistic game, and you’ll become the integrated masculine man a feminine, high-quality woman wants to belong to.

See me.

– Ben


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