The fear you’re blind to

A truth you need to internalize about life is that your gains come through your losses, not instead of them.

Believing otherwise traps you. It gets you stagnant. It gets you AFRAID.

I could say a ton about guys’ fears in the dating world, from saying hello to a girl who’s caught their eye, to deeply opening themselves to a girl they could build a life with. But here’s the foundational fear beneath it all, that you may be blind to in yourself:

Fear of self-investment.

You’re afraid of giving something up.

Do you fear the short-term losses that create long-term gains?

Your conscious mind may be telling you you’re afraid of a girl rejecting you, but what if getting that girl’s phone number will lead to a real connection? One that improves both your lives? And even if she rejects you, imagine all the insightful lessons you can learn about yourself, about women, and about the world from it.

What if this rejection will improve your life? Have you asked yourself that?

Either way, you win. You gain something from the experience. But first, you have to face fear and make a quick sacrifice.

You feeling fear isn’t an issue. It’s just you being human. Own your fears. Only by facing your fear can you cultivate courage within yourself. Is it time for you to re-evaluate your relationship with fear?

The worst thing guys do in life, and with women, is give into fear. The fear of approaching a pretty girl who gets your dick hard. The fear of telling a woman “no”, the fear of losing her. The fear that there won’t ever be more than one girl out there who you’ll click with. The fear of putting yourself out there, and potentially being rejected or disliked. The fear of telling someone the truth, whether they have a nice set of tits or not.

When you give in to fear, you lie to yourself and you lie to the world. Lying in the face of fear saps your spiritual strength and your masculinity. It tells you “you’re not good enough; you can’t handle the truth”

This fear is healthy. Embrace it. Hold strong to what’s true when you feel fear.

Fear means you care.

It’s a hell of a lot better than feeling apathetic or empty. The things that scare you will move you forward in life, should you choose to face your fears.

When you see a pretty girl and think “oh GOD, I want HER”, what do you do? Do you follow your intuition and say hello? Do you act like a man and tell her the truth about your thoughts, feelings, and values, then let things fall into place from there?

Or do you give into fear, hide yourself away, let her pass you by, then jerk off thinking about her that night?

Do you pursue girls you’re apathetic or “meh” about, because it’s “easier”? And lie to yourself, telling yourself they’re who you deserve to be with?

Paradoxically, avoiding challenge in your dating life makes it challenging. It’s DRAINING to give all your attention to girls who don’t excite you, and to assume you’re not good enough. Embracing challenge and embracing your fears… Makes the challenge and the fear go away. It increases your capacity to handle tension, and makes it easier for you to connect with the girls you’re meant to be with.

Every decision I’ve made in the face of fear has ended up improving my life massively sooner or later. I was scared to step into the gym as a teenager, but I did it, and this life pursuit ended up defining my adolescence. I was shitting my pants over starting this business 3 years ago, but I made a viable career out of it. And I’ve never regretted approaching a girl, but there’s plenty of times I’ve regretted not doing it.

Every decision I’ve made giving in to fear, especially lying to myself, choosing to believe programming that was against me, has made me feel worse about myself and less like myself.

The integrity you have under pressure defines your masculinity. Every time you act with courage and self-control under pressure, notice how you feel. Every time you tell yourself or someone else the cold, hard truth from your heart, notice how you feel. More alive. More confident. More capable. More like yourself. More like a man.

You can’t have it both ways, gentlemen. You don’t get what you want out of life by avoiding fear and tension.

You can’t gain anything in life without also giving something up. And oftentimes, the things you’re scared to lose are truly weighing you down. Your possessions. Your identity. Your place in the world. Your comfort.

It’s not about the money, if you’re making that excuse about avoiding mentorship.

Every time a guy’s feeling the coaching program, then backs out of it, whether he fills out the form then ghosts me when I attempt to set up a discovery call, or does the discovery call then makes some excuse about why he can’t spend some money on the full program (even if he has it!), I see exactly what’s going on with all 3 of my eyes:

He’s not ready to improve.

Fair enough.

If I’m not the coach you feel called to work with, you should find someone who meshes better with you. I’m not for everybody.

But if you DO want to work with me, but are afraid to pull the trigger on it, that’s another story. I can’t force you to work with me, but I can encourage you to be more honest with yourself:

If you want to transform your dating life and your confidence around women, why haven’t you started working with a mentor yet?

Why haven’t you clicked that cute little link at the end of my emails yet?

If it’s because I’m not a good fit for you, c’est la vie. I understand. Again, find yourself a mentor more aligned with your individual personality and individual goals.

But if you KNOW deep down that working with me will open all 3 of your eyes to your true potential in the dating world and get you where the rest of my clients end up (in a pretty girl’s arms!), what’s got you scared to pull the trigger?

I want you to sit back and honestly evaluate how you’re feeling.

If you’re apathetic about working with me, then don’t do it. If your heart’s not in it, not much we can do about that.

But if you feel something real when you think about what it’d be like to work with a mentor (hopefully it’s me), even if it’s fear or anxiety, tell yourself the truth about it.

It means you know you’ll become a happier man when you pierce these feelings instead of avoiding them. Only by taking risks, facing challenges with a smile, choosing to follow your deepest truths instead of false programming or your needy fantasies, do you become more masculine, more of a man, more yourself.

No great man was ever forged in his comfort zone.

You can either lie to yourself and stay where you are for it – avoidant and stagnant, resisting change.

Or you can be truthful with yourself and say “I’m scared to give something up, and it’s okay for me to feel that way”, then pull the trigger on a quick loss for a quick, long-term gain.

If you know deep down that working with me will change your life for the better, and get you dating the best women for you, you know exactly where to see me 🙂

– Ben


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