I sat beside a first date at a cafe not too long a while back, and live-tweeted it.
The guy was about 28-30, girl was in her very late 20s to early 30s, 25 at the absolute possible youngest. Her face was young but wrinkled. Guy was tall, skinny, and looked like a typical modern professional man – male but soft-skinned.
They did what these types do on dates – talked almost exclusively about their jobs and what cities they’ve lived in.
The guy was nervous and jumpy, almost tripping over his words. Always bringing up a new topic when the old one had fizzled out.
The girl was getting bored, even feeling my vibe and pointing herself at me, though she put up an engaged persona and gave her date chance after chance after chance to prove himself to her. Then the guy did something that raised the vibe, albeit temporarily:
He talked to her about dancing.
The girl lit up, and he didn’t realize what he was doing. I did.
I left the cafe shortly after that, so I don’t know exactly where the date went, but I know she either “let’s just be friends”ed him or signed herself up for a sexually depolarized dating experience with a guy she’d rather go through the motions of a dating life with than sit at home bored by herself.
So what did that guy do right, when it came to bringing up the idea of dancing?
He created a fantasy in that girl – “oh, I could do something fun and exciting with this guy. Maybe he’s a good dancer. Maybe dancing with him would be sexy…”
He did this accidentally, but it WORKED to spark some attraction in his date.
If this girl was younger and hotter, she’d have noped out of that date ASAP as possible. But this girl was slowly losing her youth, and couldn’t afford to be as picky. She wasn’t saying it, but she was practically begging this guy to DO SOMETHING with her, rather than tell her a bunch of facts about himself and think that makes a good date. She wanted to feel like a girl, and let him lead.
But he barely did.
So if I was coaching this guy, here’s what I’d tell him:
Let there be pauses in your conversation. Let topics die quickly, so some tension develops instead of you both riding a topic to death as it loses steam.
Stop telling her facts about yourself, and start telling her stories about yourself.
Don’t spend the whole date sitting at the cafe. Chat with her over coffee for 30 minutes to an hour, then take her on a walk around the neighborhood.
GET OUT OF YOUR FUCKING HEAD. YOU’RE NOT A DISEMBODIED COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS. YOU ARE A MAN WITH A BODY.
WHY DON’T YOU ACT LIKE IT?
Men who are good conversationalists don’t leave a mark on women. You could know everything about every interesting event in the world, and still bore a woman.
Men who bring energy and presence are unforgettable. You can make small talk about the weather with a girl, and still get her wet if you’re that type of man.
Before I got into Game and decided to go all-in on improving how I show up with the ladies, I would go on first dates worse than that one:
The girl would be comfortable around me at first, but the more I’d open my mouth and tell her a bunch of facts about myself – where I’m from, where I’ve lived, what I do in school, what my family and friends are like, what I like doing for fun, what I feel and think as I go about my life…
The more bored and dissatisfied she’d get.
Then I’d get friendzoned, or a quick “It was nice meeting you, but my friend needs me” before she’d dash out of there.
My muscles and ambition did not get me girls. My dating life was one “he’s cute… until he opens his mouth” experience after another.
I was a typical modern male around the ladies – stuck in his head, sexually anxious, sexually unaware, and viewing his masculinity as a series of boxes to check.
Until I learned how women really work.
And how to channel the energies that they respond to sexually, not just the information they respond to cognitively.
Thus, my dating life became a lot more eventful.
A lot more SEXUAL.
If you’re tired of the friendzone, not knowing how to turn a girl on, seeing the girls around you going for seemingly any guy but you…
Especially if you’re fit and ambitious, and that isn’t changing your dating life for the better…
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