What makes the Alpha?

Much of the men’s dating advice community is fixated on being as Alpha as possible.

Makes sense?

Alphas get laid. Betas get friendzoned and led on, right?

The manosphere and its denizens idolize these “alpha” men for one big reason – these men get SEX. They turn women on, viscerally. They have a certain masculine energy to them, one that lesser, sexually unaware men envy.

Yet the more you obsess over being “alpha”, the more being “alpha” will evade you.

So what makes the Alpha who he is, instead of a Beta male like all the rest?

Is it whether he gets laid? Not that simple. I’ll explain soon as to why.

Is it his status in social hierarchies? Who gives a fuck.

Is it how Masculine he is?

Masculinity is a multi-dimensional thing, and plenty of men with strong bodies, sharp minds, money in the bank, serious ambition, and women in their lives are still Beta at heart. While some skinny drug dealer who sleeps on a dirty mattress is more in touch with his inner Alpha than some fit guy with a well-paying job.

Even if you get laid after reading all the “how to be an Alpha Male” guides online, you’ll be lacking a certain something, and the most feminine, most gorgeous women will STILL be out of your reach.

As long as your manhood is defined by external factors, rather than your mindsets, you will be quote, unquote “BETA”.

But I know many of you guys don’t quite GET IT yet. So I’ll explain this as best I can. And hopefully, your mindsets around sex will begin to shift.

Here’s what truly separates men who are Alpha at heart from the Betas at heart:

An Alpha’s identity isn’t affected by whether he gets laid.

Which is why you find many plate-spinning types of dudes claiming to be Alpha because they have sex, or simply because they approach women, still fundamentally grounded in Beta ways of being – defining their masculinity by the women in their lives, and overextending themselves in pursuit of sex.

A man who’s pissed that he doesn’t get laid vs a man who’s proud that he gets laid, and happily yammers on about his conquests…

These guys may appear to be built two different ways on the surface, but all that differs between these men is their behavior – a player takes action to improve himself and his dating life, an “incel” gets stuck in victim mindsets and throws around complaints instead of taking action.

Both these men’s mindsets are one of sexual neediness, the player only does a better job concealing it and working with it. He’s a better time compared to the “incel” by virtue of his sense of responsibility, but his underlying perception of sexual dynamics is still that of a Beta.

A player with a Beta mindset, or a Preselected Beta (you find many of these types peaking in high school/college/university) still has a transactional mindset about sex, except what separates him from an “incel” (I hate this term, but we’re rolling with it), is that HIS TRANSACTIONAL MINDSET ACTUALLY GETS HIM SEX.

Whether he’s a “happy wife, happy life” type of guy who makes his girl the center of his life, or a guy who bangs sluts without commitment, he may get laid regularly and be high-status in his circles, but no matter how much sex he has, he won’t have a certain Alpha energy to him until he removes sex from his identity, and stops seeking it for validation.

If I had to put it succinctly and bluntly, a Beta male perceives sex as something OUTSIDE himself, something he GETS. Even if he gets laid, he treats his sex life like a transaction – he needs to do something to get it. He needs female attention to feel good about himself, whether he’s an ugly creep and women are disgusted with him, or he’s a Preselected Beta who knows some game and who women happily have around.

An Alpha male perceives sex as something WITHIN himself, something he IS. He may or may not get laid regularly, but if he does, it’s for a deeper purpose than gratifying his ego. Sure, an Alpha enjoys women and enjoys sex, and may be hurt when certain women leave his life, but his identity and his frame come from deeper things than his status or his sex life.

So what do YOU want out of your dating life?

What’s YOUR next step forward?

Maybe you’re inexperienced, and not quite ready to be Alpha, and that’s okay. You desperately crave sex and female validation because you’ve rarely, if ever, gotten it before.

Have some compassion for yourself if so. I’ve been there too, and I know how it feels.

I don’t expect every man reading this to 180 himself ASAP.

Perhaps you need to get yourself a few notches before you take pussy off the pedestal. It’s hard to tell a starving man “stop caring about food!” and expect him to listen. If you’ve gone sexually unsatisfied all your life, finally getting laid with a pretty lady may be the confidence boost you need, transactional as your dynamic may be.

I personally only started to truly transcend my neediness around sex after I got a few decent lays and realized how special getting laid DIDN’T make me. I wanted more from the girls in my life than for them to put out for me.

More than that, I wanted more from MYSELF than to be a Guy Who Gets Laid, after a lifetime of sexual inadequacy. I hated myself, and I knew I’d never love 100% of myself until I found higher reasons to live than getting some puss and making up for the fantasies I missed out on as a teenager.

If you’re in shape, ambitious, and choose growth mindsets as you live your life… shifting your energy around women from Beta to Alpha is more in your reach than you may think. So wherever you’re at in your journey of Sexual Energy Mastery, I’m here to help you get to the next step.

Whether you’re a virgin whose next step is getting laid, or getting a girl out on a date for the first time…

Or you can already get some girls… but need help upgrading the quality of your options… You want them to be better-looking, more feminine, and more interesting…

Or you’ve already got the Alpha energy and can get gorgeous girls wanting your cray cray… but deep, profound connection with a girl worth adoring seems out of your reach…

All I ask of you is that you kill your false idols.

Stop wishing you were like James Bond or Andrew Tate or whoever. Stop binging regurgitated Masculinity advice. Stop assuming you can make it by yourself. And start asking yourself what’ll make you feel most like yourself, most like the man YOU were meant to be.

It’s easier said than done. Finally taking pussy of the pedestal (and getting laid more naturally for it), and uncovering your inner Alpha beneath all your traumas and assorted bullshit may take YEARS, even a LIFETIME.

So do you want to have your “aha, I finally GET IT” moment 10, even 20 years from now…

Or do you want to work with a coach who already GETS IT, make his energy your own, and have that moment mere MONTHS from now?

See me in coaching when you’re ready to be sex instead of just seeking it out.

– Ben


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