Should you be a player?

Yesterday, we talked about guys who get laid but still have Beta mindsets.

Now let’s talk some more about guys who get laid but still have Beta mindsets.

I like them.

They’re not all the way there in their masculine self-development, but they’re further along than most guys are. So I’m not gonna tell you that being a player, spinning plates, banging girls without commitment is a good thing or a bad thing for you.

Aspiring to be such a guy could be a step forward for you, a step backwards, or a step into something that’ll make you like yourself less. So which is it?

Whichever way you go, what matters is that you’re brutally fucking honest with yourself about your intentions.

Are you seeking monogamy because you feel you can’t compete in the dating market and you want to settle into a relationship with the first 7 who goes on a date with you… (this was me in the very early days of my dating life !)

Or are you seeking monogamy because you’re a self-developed man, and you’re ready for a mutually giving, deep, genuine relationship with a woman on your level?

Are you looking to spin plates because you’re afraid of emotional intimacy with a lady…

Or are you looking for those plates because you want sex and simply aren’t in the right season of your life to commit to someone?

As we went over in the last email, many guys in the last category are still dependent on sexual conquests to validate their identity and their masculinity, even if they get laid.

These guys had little luck with the ladies growing up, felt invisible in the sexual market, then became “cool” once they grew up, and got some girls for it. You can imagine how these guys’ sexual conquests go to their head. I’ve seen this bravado play out many many times, including in myself when I finally became “cool” and fell into a big social circle after being a misfit all through my teen years.

But I’m not knocking a player’s way of life. Feeling sexually insecure despite being able to get laid is a better problem to have than feeling sexually insecure and unable to get laid. So for a ton of guys, becoming a player is a step forward in their self-development.

Yet to the guys who think they’re the man because they have one night stands and gamey flings with girls they’re like “bro, she’s so hot and she wants me so bad, look at our texts bro, she’s hot and she wants me !!!” about…

I was you in a past season.

I used to be an insecure teenage girl inside an attractive young man’s body too.

I see right through your bravado. 

The only guys who think you’re cool because you get laid are guys who have more self-esteem issues than you, and who get their identity from women more strongly than you do.

Maybe this is going over your head, and you’re still anxiously awaiting the day you finally get laid with a pretty girl. If so, I sympathize. If this is where you’re at in your journey, you can still see me in coaching. I’ll guide you through getting in bed with a pretty girl for the first time. Sexual success is a male rite of passage I don’t take lightly.

But if you’re a sex-having type of guy who’s ready to level up spiritually, who’s ready to define his manhood by better things than whose holes he sticks it into, here’s my advice. Here’s what’ll shift your mindset from Beta to Alpha:

You need to overcome your old wounds, and start telling yourself a new story about who you are. As long as you self-victimize because you didn’t get laid in high school, or because Becky from college friendzoned you and banged the guy who lived in the dorm across from you, you will require sex for emotional validation.

You need to make peace with the part of your soul that’s still a lonely teenager who’s pissed that girls don’t wanna suck his dick, and compassionately tell him to grow the hell up.

Or else you’ll forever be a dime-a-dozen player who knows a bit of game and can get laid… With dime-a-dozen broken horny girls who know a bit of game and want to get laid with a guy who’s cocky and fun and can get them forgetting their mundane life for a bit.

And when these girls leave the picture (they always do!), they take such a player’s sense of self with them.

As long as his identity is dependent on having women in his life, he may know all the Alpha Male Tricks & Tactics and get pretty girls cause of it, but these girls are always more insecure and needy than he is. The only reason they appeal to him is because they’re less self-aware than he is and their frame is weaker than his.

Confident, feminine, gorgeous, Divinely Feminine women in the market for a man who’s Alpha and grounded in the Divine Masculine right down to his soul’s core will see right through him.


Who do you want to be? What’s the next step forward for you?

There’s no one correct answer. If you’re looking to get laid for the first time and aren’t ready for a girlfriend, I’m here to help you. If you’ve already dated a bit and want better options, I’m here to help you. If you’re in a relationship or seeking one, I’m here to help you.

Again, all I ask of you:

Be brutally fucking honest with yourself about what’s going on inside your head.

Wherever you’re at, own where you’re at.

EVERYONE, hot or not, Beta or Alpha or whatever, old or young, is insecure. What separates confident people from people in shame is how responsible we are for our insecurities, and what mindsets we choose to have around them.

It may seem like I’m talking shit about Beta guys who get into game here, but as long as they own who they are and can speak honestly about their insecurities and shortcomings, I like them. I won’t force them to tell new stories before they’re ready to.

“I’m pissed I didn’t get laid in high school, so now I’m learning Game and becoming an Alpha Male Player and taking back the power in my dating life” is an empowering story at one level of self-development, and a disempowering story at another. I don’t want you guys to think dating advice is one-size-fits-all. Don’t be a dogmatist. DIFFERENT DATING ADVICE IS EFFECTIVE DEPENDING ON WHERE YOU’RE AT IN YOUR JOURNEY.

For some of you gentlemen, becoming a Player, whether your mindset about it is Beta or Alpha, IS THE RIGHT STEP FORWARD FOR YOU and will empower you more than your current way of life does.

Or perhaps GIVING UP the player thing is the right step forward for you, and having one special girl in your life will empower you more than dating many not-so-special girls.

I’m tempted to vent a bit about where I’m at in my journey, but this newsletter’s gone on long enough. Perhaps I’ll tell you my stories in coaching, or in another email. Instead…

Let’s talk about how I can help you be my next client success story.

Whatever dating woes are on your mind, that you’re ready to get through with me as your guide…

Fill out the coaching application and tell me all about where you’re at. 🙂

– Ben

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