Today’s email should be about some obvious stuff.
But I’m writing this in case you need a refresher.
And said obvious stuff is – CONTEXT.
I’ve seen guys (including myself) absolutely BLOW things with a girl or a group, simply because they were socially disconnected, expecting their dating tactics to be “one size fits all”.
Whether it’s doing a direct daygame style approach in a social circle setting (don’t fucking do this, unless it’s at a huge drunken college party where no one is gonna remember each other in the morning anyway)
Spam-approaching at gyms or at college campuses (again, don’t fucking do this, your reputation will suffer)
Or making a far more common mistake, even among socially competent and aware guys – building tension when you should have built comfort, or comfort when you should have built tension.
Nowhere does ignoring context hurt you more than social circle game.
One of the worst reputations you can have as a guy in your social circle or tribe or school or social hobby is as the guy who’s there to pick up girls. Your friends won’t want to introduce you to the girls they know (even if said friends are girls you’re tight with), and they may even warn said girls about your behavior. This will obviously ruin your chances at making a good impression on a larger abundance of ladies.
Even if you meet a new girl through a friend who knows nothing about you and is “fertile ground” for some game, this frame of “I’m here to pick you up” does NOT align the stars in your favor with her.
Trust me, I used to sometimes be this guy back in the day, and no matter how well I’d conceal my intentions beneath my “cool, socially valuable party guy” persona, they would ALWAYS reveal themselves, especially when I’d been drinking and couldn’t keep my spiritual cock in my pants around these ladies.
What DID help me get in good with these girls, and even “convert” some of them into notches, or more often, friends who’d make my social life more eventful, was JUST VIBING. NOT BEING OUTCOME DEPENDENT.
There’s a reason girls avoid opening themselves to sexually needy guys, while guys who are outcome independent can easily vibe with a girl and get her, should the connection be there.
Needy guys ignore social cues. Not simply in other people, but in themselves. They think they’re being slick pretending they’re trying to do anything but get laid that night, yet everyone smells their true intentions on them. And nobody wants to be associated with the guy who can’t be trusted to tell the truth.
Ignoring social cues makes women UNCOMFORTABLE, because it subcommunicates that you’re a guy they can’t trust to keep them safe, and that you prioritize getting your dick wet above the good of the tribe.
Understand this – You don’t have to be the smoothest, most socially calibrated, most charismatic guy to give women the tingles around you. But being ignorant of social cues, whether you’re sexually aggressive or not, will dry any girl’s vajayjay, and get her labeling you “weird” at best.
AND there’s a huge difference between being sexually OPEN, and sexually NEEDY. One guy wants something, is honest about it, but no big deal if he doesn’t get it that night. The other guy wants something, then shoddily hides that he needs it.
Girls are receptive to sexually forward energy when it’s combined with social awareness. Not so much when it isn’t.
So gents, own your sexual needs and desires, but be in control of them. Be socially aware. Feel the energy and social dynamics around you, and calibrate yourself to that. This is how you give yourself opportunities to flirt and vibe without being creepy.
But if you make bad impressions on girls, whether you’re needy, selfish, or socially miscalibrated…
Or you’re a decent, socially aware guy who’s great at building comfort and rapport… But you’re lost on how to build tension and attraction with a girl, and on how to be the guy she gossips with her friends about instead of the friend she’s gossiping with…
Or you’re at square 1 and are lost on absolutely everything…
Come see a specialist who’s been there and done that.
We’ll quickly diagnose the deeper misalignments in your dating life.
Once the inner work is done, knowing what to say, do, withhold around a girl to get her into you becomes a piece of cake.
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