How to stop having “nice guy” dates

I went out for dinner last night, and wound up in line at the restaurant right behind two alt-rock-looking 20somethings on a first date. So I listened in on their conversation, because what else was there to do?

The girl was pretty and present, but closed off, arms crossed, not talkative. Yet she was positioning herself in feminine, submissive ways.

As for the guy. I observed something I’ve seen a million times.

He was open, friendly, talkative, constantly bringing up new topics – his family, the anime and video games he likes, even complimenting the girl’s nails.

But he didn’t understand game.

Or why the girl was really there.

See, she went on a date with this guy, was looking horny, but wasn’t that talkative or really trying to get to know him or opening up about herself?

You know what I would have asked her, standing in that line with her, if I was the one taking her out?

“Are you cheating on your husband with me?”

Then after she’d get confused, ask me why I think she has a husband, I’d point to the ring on her left ring finger and tell her jovially that that’s an awfully suspicious place to wear a ring, especially on a first date with me.

From there, I’d transition to comfort and rapport-building, ask her about the story behind the ring, make assumptions about her, find ways to get her opening up and telling me stories about her life now that I’d created a playful vibe with that tease. I’d ask her about her tattoos, compliment them, tell her that the way she’s dressed and has done her hair suits her…

Instead, this guy made a typical “nice guy” mistake – he tried winning her over purely through comfort, and neglected the other half of the attraction equation.

He wasn’t handling much tension.

Right there is the fix, the one thing that’ll stop you having “nice guy” dates, and get you having FUN dates.

When the girl’s comfortable, secure, and at ease with you, you need to make her a bit uncomfortable. Challenge her. Play with her. Push her buttons. Make her feel like you’re taking her.

Women’s attraction to you, and your sexual confidence around them, is dependent on HOW MUCH TENSION you can carry, handle, create, and ground.

Yet too many guys attempt to solve “tension issues” by creating more comfort, which will only bore the girl and get her thinking you’re needy. OR they try to solve “comfort issues” by drowning the girl in more tension, which only makes her feel insecure, and she WILL blow you out of the set/date if you do this.

If she already feels tense, challenged by you, then you need to actively create comfort. Pay attention to her needs. Be soft on her. Make her feel safe and secure around you.

Now let’s talk a bit more about that girl.

She was sexually open, sexually available, though probably not to her date there. She was looking for a guy to have some fun with. Not a boyfriend. Not a casual fling (just yet).

How do I know this?

Because I used to go on dates like this back in the day, and blow them. I hadn’t built up my capacity to carry sexual tension yet.

I didn’t understand that some girls just want to have FUN.

And that her going on a “date” with you doesn’t mean she’s in it for a boyfriend.

Often when a girl, especially a young immature girl, is looking for a guy to date, especially from a dating app, she doesn’t want to become your amour. She just wants to make sure you’re cool, chill, non-needy, fun, sexy, safe, and a bit interesting… Then hook up ASAP with no strings attached.

So I could position myself as an interesting, fun guy on dating apps, and get some girls out who were in the market for that…

Then get needy and dry their panties with my sexual unawareness.

If I knew then what I know now, I could have seen these girls for who they were, held up our comfort, built up some tension, been playful and outcome independent, and converted them into hookups.

(here’s a story from those days where I accidentally pulled that off)

Instead of having “nice guy” dates that were all comfort and no tension (except awkward tension), with horny girls who were craving a guy who could make them feel that sweet tension.

But I understand not all of you guys are in the market for quick hookups. Some of you want devoted girlfriends, wives, or simply plates that aren’t quite girlfriends, but you still do more than just hook up.

In any case, stop lying to yourself about what you truly want.

Because you always get what you deserve in the dating market, no matter what stories your conscious mind tells itself.

You don’t accidentally date the girls you date. You’re not accidentally drawn to the girls you’re drawn to. And the girls who like you… They don’t accidentally like you.

It’s time to see me in coaching.

Not only will I help you have less “nice guy” dates and more FUN dates…

We’ll address every little reason why you deserve the results you’re already getting, what about you is drawing them to you…

Then we’ll Do The Work, clear out your trauma, tell you the brutal truth about all the ways you’re wrongfully treating yourself like shit…

And you’ll wind up deserving better, and attracting better. Just like the rest of my clients.

Click here when you’re ready to have some fun.

– Ben

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