What’s up people, today I’ll be getting into a controversial topic. One that you’ll get vastly different answers about depending on who you ask about it.
Age gaps between men and women.
How much of an age gap is acceptable in a relationship or a hookup, and how much of an age gap is weird or wrong.
It’s a nuanced issue. So I’ll be explaining how it all works, and how young YOU personally can date and still succeed with women – or girls if that’s who you prefer at this stage in your life.
If you’re an older man, or simply a man who’s mature, this article is for you. You may be actively against dating a woman who’s your age or older, and I’m here to give you a clearer perspective on whether you’re in the right for this, and how young you should REALLY date.
First things first.
The “manosphere” makes a big deal about female hypergamy: Women have a biological impulse to date the highest-status, highest-energy, most successful men they can get. Weak men get their panties in a twist about hypergamy, but the truth about us gents is we have our own hypergamy:
Our biology prefers women who are young, pure, and fertile. Just like women’s sex is viscerally repulsed by low-status, low-energy men, we men’s sex is viscerally repulsed by women who are damaged, ran-through, worn out…
So it makes sense that some men want to date as young as possible. All other things made equal – maturity, emotional health, sexual history, looks, etc. – You WILL choose the 22-year-old over the 33-year-old. This is how our biology works.
You’re also sexually attracted to teenage girls. This is an uncomfortable truth that some people reading this will take the wrong way, but here’s the nuance. No part of you wants to be with a girl who looks like a child, but…
The more her body has developed, the more she’s looking like a WOMAN than like a little girl, the more biologically attractive she’ll be to you.
But if biology was all it took to make a relationship work, then every 16-year-old girl out there would be getting hitched with a wealthy and confident grown man. No women in their mid-20s and beyond would be getting boyfriends.
Reality isn’t as simple as redpill dogmatists make it out to be.
Why men lust for youth
Ask any man who wants to date young, say, 18-22-year-old girls WHY, and you’ll get this answer:
She’s pure and undamaged. She has less mileage and less baggage. She hasn’t been ran-through.
I get it. Biology is biology.
But look at which men are saying this. Most of them are fucking SINGLE. These men aren’t solely following their biology, but rather they’re FRUSTRATED with the women closer to their age, who are bitter, entitled, not feminine, hung up on a guy from their past…
Their frustration is valid, but I encourage these men to take a look at themselves before they pass judgement on the women they complain about, and before they indulge their fantasy of being with a pure young virginal girl.
Why don’t you already have a young devoted fertile girlfriend if that’s what you want?
If you’re a man in his late 20s or older who’s actively seeking the youngest possible women, I have a harsh truth for you:
Your attraction to these super young women is based on lust and fantasy, not genuine desire. You’re pursuing them for psychological reasons, not biological reasons.
Part of you hasn’t matured beyond being a sexually frustrated teenage boy who wants a cute high school/college relationship. And it’s this part of you that resonates with your fantasies of what a really young woman can do for you. You’re seeking her as a conquest, not as a partner.
The reality of dating a pretty girl who’s significantly younger than you isn’t so pretty, usually. These girls are immature. They have little life experience compared to you. They aren’t as psychologically developled as you (hopefully) are. In fact, to get with the vast majority of them, YOU HAVE TO BE IMMATURE TOO. YOU HAVE TO CARE ABOUT THE SAME THINGS THEY CARE ABOUT. Even if you’re a handsome, confident, masculine guy who’s doing well for himself, attempting to date these significantly younger women will lead to muchas problemas.
Plus, these girls don’t usually want to be with significantly older guys. It’s one thing for a 24-year-old girl to date a 28-year-old guy, but to think a typical 19-year-old girl will fall in love with a guy who’s 30 is ASININE. (that’s a fucking hilarious word and I couldn’t wait to use it in my own writing)
A 20-year-old girl may be down to hook up with a significantly older guy, and she may even have a fetishistic fantasy about being in a relationship with him, just as guys may fantasize about being her “daddy”, but with few exceptions, these relationships aren’t realistic and they don’t work out. The reason why is simple.
There’s too much psychological mismatch between the two of them.
Thus, the “power dynamic” is unbalanced.
One party is mature and experienced, the other isn’t. One party is in a different stage of life than the other, immature as the guy may be.
This doesn’t make a functioning relationship, even if it’s casual.
Even a young girl who’s an ideal girlfriend on the pixels of a redpill subreddit post, 18-22, hasn’t ever had a one-night-stand, self-aware about her trauma, feminine and open to a boyfriend instead of being emotionally avoidant…
In 99% of cases, these “good girls” are already taken by their high school or college sweetheart, and this relationship ain’t going anywhere. If you’re beyond this stage of life, I’m sorry to say that you’ve missed your chance to have this sort of connection with a girl.
So for the guys who are reading this who are 22 or under, having such a girlfriend may still be in the cards for you.
But for the older gents who fetishize younger women because they speak to a traumatized part of you, get your shit together and understand that you’re not so perfect either.
You will likely never be with a girl who’s ideal for your form of hypergamy, nor will you ever be a man who’s ideal for hers.
This is life. This is being a human. This is being YOU.
Women are people. They have trauma. They make mistakes. They have pasts. They mature as they get older, if they’re living right. Their upbringings haven’t been ideal. They have a shadow. They have been with guys, and things haven’t worked out with those guys.
It’s funny seeing some men chase promiscuous, broken women, then complain there’s no good virginal girls out there that they can marry. You get who you resonate with, not who you fantasize about.
I sympathize with their concerns, but I will not indulge their complaints. Finding a good girl worthy of being a devoted partner is hard, but not impossible.
The verdict: How young should you date?
One rule I’ve always sworn by is “half your age plus 7”.
The youngest you can date without it being weird or creepy is your age divided by two, plus seven.
So if you’re 20, that’ll be 17 in theory (more like 18 in practice; I don’t want you guys pursuing any girls who don’t have a high school diploma yet, unless you’re in high school too)
If you’re 24, that’ll be 19.
If you’re 30, that’ll be 22.
If you’re 42, that’ll be 28.
If you’re 124, that’ll be 69.
Yet I don’t recommend basing your dating decisions purely on age.
You will only ever connect with women who are on similar levels of psychological, spiritual development to you, no matter your age. No matter whether your goal is only to hook up and date casually, or to deeply bond with a girl and keep her around for years.
Before we close this article off, I’ll address two demographics of men who will run into much frustration attempting to date a girl who’s their “hypergamous ideal” – men who’ve gone through their most formative years, and spiritually developed younger men.
I encourage men in their late 20s and older to follow the “half your age plus 7” rule, but not care too much about going as young as possible. Women are people, and they’re as diverse as we men are. So while dating a younger woman may be a MUST for you, there’s something more important than youth you need to vet for:
Femininity. Integrated femininity.
You may be beyond psychologically relating to a girl who’s 22, even 19 if you’re a younger guy, but the reason you lust for such a girl isn’t entirely about the year she was born – it’s because she’s speaking to your own repressed youth.
So.
Find a woman in your age demographic who’s learnt to re-integrate her youthful feminine energy. Or one who’s willing to go through that re-integration with you.
As women get older and more mature, they take on responsibility, and this responsibility forces them to bring out some masculine energy. Whether it’s being responsible for work, their traumas and emotional wounds, or their overall lifestyle. This is healthy, natural, and normal. Don’t get your entire worldview from sexually frustrated men on the internet who think women doing anything with their lives besides being wives and mothers makes them worthless.
But how do you attract a woman who’s mature AND feminine? One who’s healthy and fertile like a young girl, and wise like a woman who’s lived a bit and chosen to be responsible for herself?
You need to rediscover your masculine equivalent to this youthful feminine energy.
Every man I see complaining about how he doesn’t have a youthful, beautiful, feminine woman in his life yet has this trait. (and I see women who complain that every guy they date may “check some boxes” but not entirely do it for them have this same issue in themselves)
Integrated feminine women go crazy for this energy, and if you can re-integrate it alongside the more fatherly aspects of your masculinity, these top-tier women will be all yours. But we’ll go over the nuances of how to achieve that in coaching 😉
Now what about men who are young and mature? Very psychologically and spiritually developed for their age?
Same solution. Integration. Re-discover the little boy within, show him some love, bring him out when you gotta.
Except whether that’s been achieved or not, these guys’ problem is that their dating pool is much smaller, as fewer girls in their age demographic have gotten to this point in their own development. They exist, but they’re rare. The only advice I have to give such a mature guy is to WAIT. Trust fate. You’ll meet a girl who’s right for you when you’re meant to meet her.
Such a guy could date an older girl, but expect there to be many insecurities on her end, and she may not pull the trigger on dating him even if she likes him. But these relationships can work, so if you meet an older girl/woman who you truly connect with and with whom things make sense, go for it.
In any case, no matter your age, you always get who you deserve in the dating world.
You don’t accidentally date the girls you date. You’re not accidentally drawn to the girls you’re drawn to.
If you’re not yet dating the best women for you, the issue isn’t that every woman your age is broken and ran-through, or that you’re too old to get a good girl and that ship has sailed…
The issue is YOU.
You’re not yet the version of yourself who’s meant to get those women.
But there’s a quick, easy way to get there.
Work with me.
I’ll spare you any more of a sales pitch, nor will I attempt to convince you to hop on the coaching program.
Either you want it or you don’t.
– Ben
@benfoth yep that’s how it goes #datingcoach #howtogetagirl #howtogetgirls #fyp #foryoupage #relationshipadvice #relationships #relationship #redpill #masculinity #dating #datingadvice ♬ original sound – chris kellogg
