That’s a question I’ve asked myself many many times when I was putting my reps into daygame, nightgame, social circle game, and even online dating…
You may be asking yourself the same thing, if approaching has struck your fancy.
I wasn’t too intuitive when I first got into dating and meeting girls. I’d “Hail Mary” it every time, approach some decent-looking girl at a party or bar or wherever, and hope it works out. Spam-message girls on the apps and hope a pretty one was into it.
This didn’t work out.
Things got better for me when I worked on my game, but still. Real connection with a girl was rare.
As the years went by, I put a ton of reps in and got a decent answer to that question up there.
There’s two types of girls you should be approaching.
You determine who’s who by getting out of your head and listening to your body. Pay attention to how your body viscerally, unconsciously reacts to a girl’s presence.
If you feel apathetic, “meh”, or just benign and comfortable around her, then she’s not for you. You don’t feel anything for her, so there will be no energy bringing you two together. You could try forcing a connection with her through game, but this will only ever work if she’s also trying to game you for validation. And even then, forcing a connection with a girl you feel nothing for is unfulfilling and disrespectful to both of you.
But if she’s pretty, and she makes you feel tension, anxiety, nerves, just looking at her, I recommend you go up to her and say hello. This is the first type of girl you should be approaching.
This girl is one you’re intimidated by. Maybe you find her gorgeous, the stuff of fantasy. Maybe she reminds you of the pretty popular girls you never felt like you stood a chance with in high school.
In any case, you’re turned on by her and you want to fuck her. That tension, anxiety, nervousness… That’s SEXUAL TENSION. And this is an opportunity for you to git gud.
Only by leaning into tension, and grounding it, will you feel like a man around women.
Whereas most guys would feel crushed under the tension, stutter their words out, and freeze… This is your opportunity to have self-control, integrity under tension. Talk deliberately. Hold eye contact.
When you’re feeling that sweet sweet tension, she’s feeling it too. And it’s your job to lead the situation forward. Keep her in the set. Build some comfort and rapport.
It’s easy for a set like this to get blown, and it usually won’t be your fault.
Just like the guys, many girls have a tough time handling sexual tension too. Plenty of them will feel drowned in it, and not know exactly what to do, even if your boldness is turning them on. But if you manage to keep her hooked…
These girls won’t be amazing fits for you beyond a superficial, sexual connection, but you can “convert” them and seduce them if your own preselection and game are great. If you’re feeling horny for her, odds are she’s feeling it too. And she may be willing to hook up with you if so.
The second type of girl you should be approaching is those who make you fall into a flow state. If you don’t approach this girl, you’re gonna be kicking yourself real hard down the line.
You lay eyes upon her and viscerally KNOW you have to do it, but unlike the first type of girl, talking to her should feel EASY instead of nerve-wracking, even if you’re feeling a massive amount of tension. And she’ll be VERY receptive, VERY responsive, VERY submissive.
This type of approach is motivated by your masculinity’s deep source – possession.
Feeling pure nerves, pure sexual tension around an attractive girl is one thing. But when you’re POSSESSED by her heart and her soul… When you deeply believe she’s a beauiful woman inside and out… When you feel like approaching her and opening your mouth around her are effortless…
She’ll be feeling it too. She’ll be effortlessly connecting with you as well. She will almost certainly be responsive to you post-approach.
Don’t take this as me encouraging you to simply wait around until you randomly stumble upon Ms. Flow State and smoothly make your move on her before eventually becoming the loves of each other’s lives. Because while you may be “made for each other” and find it super easy to connect and vibe and be in each other’s company…
What if the logistics are fucky and you won’t be in the same city for long?
What if you don’t know how to create, handle, and direct sexual tension? And thus, your personality connection leads you to the friendzone instead of into her pants?
What if you’re not in shape, and she doesn’t want to date skinny or fat guys? Even if she likes everything else about you?
What if she finds you super attractive physically and spiritually… But you’re twisted by your trauma, and you self-sabotage with her because you’re scared to open up and show her your true self? Many a missed connection of mine has happened due to this.
That’s what coaching with me is for.
You need options, so your dating success isn’t dependent on ONE girl’s logistics. You need to get comfortable with tension, so you’re giving your sexual energy to real-life women instead of to porn stars on a screen. You need to take care of your body, so you can be matched up with girls who massively turn your sex on.
Most vitally, you need to Do The Work on your psyche and spirit, so you attract emotionally healthy women instead of broken women… And stop missing connections with the pretty girls who desire you opening yourself to them.
Though if you’d rather keep getting the results (if any) you’re already getting, and end up settling for the first somewhat decent girl who’s burnt out, worn out, and would rather have SOMEONE around than be alone, don’t stick around. Feel free to hit the unsubscribe button.
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