Why I failed as a dating/relationship coach

Let’s start this one with an exercise. I used to charge guys 4 figures to do this with me, now you get it for free. This’ll profoundly change your life, assuming you do it properly and are willing to be responsible for your results.

Observe the future version of yourself who has everything (s)he wants out of life.

The dream body, dream job, dream partner, etc…

Now, simply BECOME that version of yourself. Observe your “present” as his/her PAST.

If you’re lost on exactly how to do it, here’s a step-by-step guide:

1. Define everything about this future self. Appearance, lifestyle, partner, friends, career, etc…

2. Close your eyes and quiet your mind. Have no thoughts. Deprive your senses. Exit this reality.

3. OBSERVE this future self. Don’t force any thoughts or judgements. Simply RECEIVE him or her. What’s (s)he thinking, feeling, acting like, looking like, doing..?

4. Switch perspectives. Now you’re the “future” you, observing what used to be “present” you.

5. Open your eyes.

6. Speak, act, think, feel, observe, AS this version of yourself. FROM this version of yourself. Don’t resist your “present” surroundings, which is actually this version of you observing his/her PAST.

7. Don’t return to being your supposed “present” self. STAY in this viewpoint.

How do you feel now?

Like this, hopefully

Every guy I’ve done this with has given me the same answer. I imagine yours doesn’t differ.

This exercise only works and delivers lasting results if you follow steps 6 and 7. Otherwise, if you return to your old viewpoint, observing your “future” self as someone separate from your “present”, or forgetting about him/her, no new manifestations will come to you.

I first started consciously doing this in 2017, and with it, I’ve:

* Improved my attractiveness

* Broken through fitness plateaus

* Healed psychological issues and physical health issues

* Explored parallel universes

* Shifted present reality purely with thoughts

* Solved seemingly impossible problems, and gotten myself out of seemingly hopeless circumstances

It’s also a big reason my coaching would deliver IMMEDIATE results to almost every client. It’s amazing how literally RIGHT AFTER I worked with most of my guys, they’d meet amazing girls and GET THEM, or at the very least, their insecurities and traumas would quickly fade away.

If this doesn’t get you similar results, it’s for one of two reasons:

  1. A lack of inner responsibility. You’re not willing to commit to the demands of this new life, this new self. If you were, it’d manifest IMMEDIATELY. No need for a “process” or for any waiting. Those are fake mental constructs.
  2. What you “want” would actually be detrimental to you. You’re idealizing it. You’re happier without it. If it’d actually improve your life, you’d manifest it immediately. Believe me, I’ve done this well trying to manifest “good” things, failed at it, and later realized they’d have actually harmed me. Thank fucking God I didn’t get what I “wanted”.

Understand that being your best self and living your best life is not a “process”. There’s no “waiting” for things to work out. Either you are this version of yourself or you aren’t. Every season of your life is valuable – the ones where you’re single and celibate, the ones where you’re dating or fucking, the ones where you’re holed up alone, the ones where your lifestyle is superficially abundant, the healthy ones, the unhealthy ones…

Don’t be some cuck who thinks their best days are in the past or in the future.

Manifestation is always immediate.

Now what am I really doing for you here?

I’ve rarely given this exercise away for free, but the truth is – EVERYONE DOES THIS. The point of this exercise is to get you CONSCIOUSLY manifesting yourself and your reality, not unconsciously, as most people do. Every time your life has significantly shifted for the better or worse, you’ve unconsciously done exactly this.

You’ve realized who you could become in the future, for better or worse, identified with that version of yourself… Then your “present” reality became that you’s past. Then you attributed the shifts in your life to external machinations, rather than to their real cause: your soul’s authority.

Why I decided to start coaching

In 2018, 20-year-old college party boy Ben Foth was obsessed with Mark Manson.

I’d binge his articles while drinking 3 scoops of preworkout in one go. I’d re-read chapters of his book Models: Attract Women Through Honesty every day, then apply my learning from it when I’d go out to parties and bars.

I knew I was made to be more than just some random white guy on the white collar path, and Mark’s wisdom-packed books and articles showed me exactly that.

I didn’t have to settle for the conventional path.

I didn’t have to settle for employers gatekeeping my income. I didn’t have to settle for anxious, broken, irresponsible girls. There are gorgeous girls out there who are intelligent, integrous, and interesting, and that’s who I deserve. I didn’t have to settle for the 3D system’s rules.

For once, I’d found someone I wanted to live like. Someone whose path I wasn’t ambivalent about taking on. His story was the most relatable and inspiring one I’d ever encountered.

Mark was on the conventional path until he quit his white-collar career six weeks in, then started a series of successful online businesses.

He went from being a sexually hopeless aspiring pickup artist, to having slept with over 100 women.

He spent his 20s traveling the world, experiencing foreign ways of life, living off his own passive income instead of an employer’s.

So I decided to live the same way.

I dropped out of school and got to work on a series of projects that would eventually become an unsuccessful dating/relationship coaching business that I wasted 3ish years of my life on. Of all the things I was well-versed in at the time, knowing how to turn a girl on despite being myself was one of my proudest bits of wisdom.

I decided to stop limiting my pickup attempts to dating apps and partying. Every time I came across a girl in public who I found super attractive and got the right feeling from, I approached her.

I traveled a bit, despite being more of a homebody by nature. I lived in and passed through a bunch of new cities, and got a glimpse of how the world really is outside of the bubbles I was used to. My goal was always to find a new home. A city where I truly belong.

I was constantly in the books, piecing together how life REALLY (supposedly) works, and trying to make something profitable of that wisdom.

Now 5 years later, I haven’t achieved a single one of those big goals.

No smart, sexy girlfriend.

No successful career.

Boulder’s cool and all, but is it really my home, My Place™? Or just another temporary stop on the journey? On va voir.

And as I’ve stress-tested everything I believe against the real world, I’ve realized that real people, real events, and real lives are far more complex and nuanced than any statistic or ideology or book or perspective or guru advice can ever accurately measure and depict.

What I “wanted” would have actually been detrimental to me.

That’s why I didn’t manifest it as soon as I dropped out of school.

My early 20s were a long-ass grief-fest.

I’d constantly miss high school and uni, wishing I could close my eyes at night and wake up the next day in 2016 again, believing that’s where my opportunities to create an abundant lifestyle had peaked.

When my life was gaining momentum in late 2019-early 2020, which were an exciting, action-packed season for me, a certain bummer of a world-changing event happened that made the next 2 years of my life more frustrating than they needed to be.

Then my deep, existential depression got worse with every new city I’d move to or visit. Seemingly nowhere had a place for me, a market for me, a demand for me.

Why were my early 20s like that?

Because I wanted to be a dating/relationship coach, that’s why.

You can’t manifest the life of your dreams

The truth about life is that it just HAPPENS. You can’t force it to be how it ISN’T.

Your work will happen when it happens.

Your relationships will happen when they happen.

The seasons of your life begin and end at their own pace. You can’t force a chapter to begin or end. The story plays out as it does, word by word, day by day.

You’ll learn and grow as you do. Your moments of dumbassery are unavoidable, as they make your life a far more interesting story than it would be if you got everything right all the time and had it “all figured out”.

And if you’re the kind of man I am, figuring it out comes easy.

I’ve been working out consistently for almost a decade, and I’m still learning new things about my body and what exercises work best to build its muscle and strength. I’m STILL gaining muscle quickly after 9ish years of lifting, past what I used to think was naturally possible for me.

I’ve always been a hard-working, responsible, professionally-minded guy. I’m competent at everything I do, and if I’m not, I’m a quick learner.

When I had my business, I did EVERYTHING, and I did it well. The marketing, the sales, and the product, that was all me. I proved just how hard and smart I can work, instead of waiting for some company to hire me and make me go at their pace instead of mine.

Holding frame, leading a date or an interaction forward, being a fun and emotionally engaging man, avoiding sexual neediness, knowing how to FUCK, being present and firm with a girl when she’s in a mood and treating her compassionately… These are all non-issues for me, as I’ve proven with numerous girls. My big girl problem has always been that I can’t find a girl who wants me for more than my sex, not that I’m some beta male who doesn’t know how to sex.

I’ve always been willing to commit to the demands of a successful, respectable, sexy lifestyle. I find living a responsible, courageous, happy life to be extremely natural and extremely easy.

So easy, that God decided to give me something else. Something that would actually be challenging for me.

A crash-course in Divine Providence.

My early 20s weren’t just hopeless and grieving. They were CONFUSING.

Everywhere I’d go, my preconceived models of how the world works would be challenged and defeated.

I met successful businessmen who were absolutely boring people, or even narcissistic and malicious. And yet somehow, they were the ones making all the profit, and not me.

Whenever I’d see a pretty girl on a date or in a happy relationship, it’d always be with some stable, desexed nice guy, not with the dominant “alpha” types every frustrated dating-advice-forum-dweller idealizes. I have so much to offer as a man. Why are those guys getting the girls NOW, while I’m the one holding out hope for a romantically successful “someday”?

And hoo boy, the amount of times I’ve attempted to evangelize spiritually unaware people to my viewpoints instead of just letting them be… As if I actually knew something. Yet these less experienced, less wise people were seemingly moving forward in life far quicker than I was. Making friends, getting dates, having their adventures, succeeding in their careers.

So, why did those other people get all those blessings, while I was on the sidelines envying them for 5 years?

Because those “blessings” challenged them more than they could have challenged me. Their lives do not run on the same rules mine does. We have different souls, different purposes, different levels of energy, and different, divinely destined life paths.

I won’t rant about all the examples here. Instead, I encourage you to think for yourself about how something that’s easy for you could be challenging for me. How something challenging for you could be easy for your cat. How something taken-for-granted by the person to the left of you could be seemingly impossible for the person to the right of you.

Every life has both its blessings and its challenges. In every season.

This is Divine Providence.

If I was a successful dating/relationship coach at 22, I’d have missed this lesson. I’d have blamed myself and my individual choices for my success, instead of knowing what actually gave me my clients and my money and my influence. And the problems I faced in my early 20s would have come to me down the line, when I’d be more set in my ways. Instead, I get to get most of life’s bullshit and the associated soul-lessons out of the way before I’m even 30, unlike most people, who deal with them at a slower pace.

God gave me all my advantages in high school. God also gave me all my challenges in my early 20s. Because the truth is, they’re one, not two.

The big soul-lesson I had to learn in my early 20s was to react differently to life’s boring and stagnant times.

I was already good with the adverse ones. I’m a hell of a fighter. I was already good with the comfortable ones. I’m a grateful, chill guy who never loses his cool or takes life for granted.

I wasn’t so good with what happens in between, however. For the longest time, I’d react to my liminal space of a life with grief, lust, envy, and pride. Begging for it to end. Begging for the girl, the successful career, and the adventures to “finally” show up.

I wasn’t taking responsibility for making my liminal spaces exciting. I wasn’t taking responsibility for having a fun, exciting life BECAUSE of its “lacks”.

So I’ve been doing that exercise I showed you at the start of the article these days. With different intentions, and different results. Immediate results, not results I’m forever patiently waiting for.

I’m the version of myself who has the dream girl, the dream career, and the dream lifestyle… Simply observing my past. The time before I had these things. Life’s contrasts are interesting.

How exciting is it, that I get to relive this season of my life?

It’s an exciting one. A memorable one. And like the good ones and the bad ones, it’ll end when it does. But I came back here for a reason. Because I don’t want it to end.

The first season of my life where I knew… If something’s mine, it’s mine IMMEDIATELY, as soon as I encounter it. If something’s not mine, I’ll feel like I’m waiting for it to happen. I’ll feel like I need to go through a process of work or manifestation or bargaining to make it real.

My life is fun and exciting and an absolute blessing, even in the liminal spaces.

Is yours the same way, dear reader?

You came to this Earth to LIVE, not to be told how to live.

That’s why I’m not in the business of giving advice anymore. I simply observe and explain things as they are, instead of attempting to change them.

I failed at being a dating/relationship coach for a million reasons, and every single one of them made me happier, smarter, and more successful…

Only once I learnt to react to them differently, that is.

It’s okay to have people in your life or in the media who you look up to, who you consider a role model. I’ve had mine. I still have certain people I’m learning new things from.

But most people’s “life advice” becomes nonsensical and comedic at best when you figure out what God made YOU for.

And all it takes to figure that out is…



– Ben

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