Finding My Purpose was my biggest struggle in my early 20s.
Sucks for me that I already had one.
My Purpose then was to experience and experiment with exactly what I did. A failure of a business. Romantic hopelessness. A whole lot of other bullshit I won’t get into here.
I wish I could say it made me stronger and wiser, but I only experienced it because I was refusing the full extent of my strength and wisdom. Life only ever sends these negative experiences your way when you’re out of alignment, which we all are sometimes.
Our natural state as humans is to be joyful, lighthearted, strong, wise, compassionate, healthy, and all those positive things. You don’t have to work or suffer or bargain with the world to be your best, highest self.
Rather, every part of your highest self – the dream physique, the dream career, every little bit of you that attracts the people who make you happiest, every skill you could potentially “learn” – is already encoded in your DNA from birth, and all it takes to unlock these repressed parts of your DNA is to be aware of them. You can only ignore them, never destroy them.
Your “lower self” isn’t real. All the parts of you that are weak, selfish, grieving, overly serious, envious, destructive, decaying, insecure, violent, and malicious AREN’T A NATURAL PART OF YOU. They’re only a product of rejection. You rejecting Who You Are, who you TRULY are. They feel bad and hopeless and wrong for an obvious reason – because they are wrong. They’re not Who You Are.
Now, this “lower self” of yours is a FEATURE of the game of Life, not a bug. No mortal is perfectly saintly, perfectly aware. I’ve seen narcissistic, selfish people have seasons of genuine selflessness and integrity. I’ve seen formerly good, inspiring people become shells of their former selves, getting prideful and ungrateful.
“Making it” and being successful is something you have to do anew every single day. Your life isn’t built externally, rather it flows from within you. You can go from being a total loser to being your highest, most aligned self (or the other way around) in literally ONE SECOND.
All it takes is knowing that version of you. Knowing how (s)he thinks, feels, acts, treats himself/herself and other people… Some people know this version-of-self early in life, then forget it. Some people don’t recognize it until later. But it’s so easy… 😉
There is no set age where you’re supposed to have certain wins or certain milestones. Don’t ever listen to anyone trying to tell you how your life “should go”. Most people’s life-advice is just trauma-dumping or projection pretending to be wisdom. Your life doesn’t run on the same rules theirs does.
You can “have it all” as a teenager, then lose it in your 20s and not get it back till your 40s. You can be exceptionally wise and compassionate in your 20s, then a selfish complete dumbass in your 30s.
If you have baggage, trauma, regrets, insecurities, you can eliminate it all in ONE SECOND. If it’s still in your head, it’s because you’re telling yourself a falsehood about it. Figure out what the truth actually is, and it’ll leave you.
I’ve healed some pretty bad psychological trauma simply by understanding its place in the world.
That person who mistreated you wasn’t a good, perfect person. But they were a perfect bully, a perfect narcissist, a perfect selfish low-energy asshole with Divine Providence on their side.
That traumatic experience wasn’t a perfect or even good, happy moment. But it was a perfect traumatic experience.
A broken window isn’t a perfect window, but it is a perfect broken window.
EVERYTHING belongs in this world. EVERYTHING has its place. Apply this same logic to people who’ve mistreated you, events that have hurt you, and seemingly impossible problems you have no hope of fixing, and you may be surprised how quickly your mind and spirit heal.
The only way to win against negative people, negative events, and negative things is to not engage with them. Though if you absolutely must, sheer non-resistance while maintaining a positive, loving state is the best way to de-escalate a negative situation.
They have their place in this world just like you have yours, just like good things and good people have their immutable, undeniable place here. Trying to destroy negative things only gives them importance. You can’t destroy them. You can only let them be, and create a positive life instead.
Trying to resist or fight or destroy someone or something you don’t like only gives them power over you. You’re only sacrificing your own existence and your own happiness for that. Non-resistance is infinitely more powerful. Understand where everything and everyone belongs, including yourself.
I’ve developed a framework of 6 Markets that’ll help you be aware of your purpose.
This model says nothing about your quality of character, your personal values, what hobbies and other things you are and aren’t allowed to enjoy, relationship compatibility, what exactly you love and hate in life, etc…
All it is is a general idea of what markets have a demand for you, your individual skillset, and who you are holistically. Don’t take it as the absolute truth, just as one perspective on it. You don’t need to do a 69-question test to determine which archetypes are yours, nor have any doubt about it. Your purpose is self-evident every moment of your life. Just look at yourself and it’s obvious.
Anyhoo, onto the archetypes/markets and what humanity demands from them.
Your purpose, your market is…
Leader – Unity
To bring people together for a common cause. To be the face of a movement or an idea. You effortlessly attain large followings, on social media or in your personal life. People demand guidance and leadership from you, no matter what causes you personally stand for.
Steward – Service
To be a humble servant of society. Nothing glamorous or groundbreaking or potentially high-profile. Just keeping things running smoothly. Keeping the community stable and prosperous.
Teacher – Wisdom
To mentor and inform. To be in the classroom, in front of an audience. People trust you to explain to them how things work, as a source of knowledge and wisdom.
Devotee – Intimacy
To give yourself to a romantic partner. To devote yourself to serving them above anyone else. You don’t care for spinning plates or dating around. You were made to commit yourself to one person, whether this is someone you chose before or during this life, and surrender to their leadership and direction.
Professional – Work
To rise up in your career. To work and hustle and grind. To get ahead in the professional world and attain accolades, achievements, money, and impressive contributions to society on your resume.
Scientist – Discovery
To experiment and explore. To be in the field, figuring out firsthand how it all works and breaking new ground through trial, error, and risk. Living interesting stories and revolutionizing the world through the fruits of your experiences.
–
I won’t list exactly what careers or jobs or life paths each of these archetypes can potentially have. Think for yourself about this. It’s obvious. 😉
We all have a stack of three of these. One primary purpose – the reason we’re here above all else, then a secondary and tertiary purpose. Once we’re fully immersed in our primary one, then the other two can come to be and support our primary purpose.
These archetypes also have opposite roles to each other. Leaders can’t be Devotees. Professionals can’t be Stewards. Scientists can’t be Teachers. Society and humanity need us to specialize, not to try to do it all.
Leaders only value romantic commitment in the context of a mission. To them, the mission always comes first. Their partner is primarily there to support them through it. Romance comes second at best, if it comes at all. Devotees however, value other people’s leadership and missions more than their own, and are at their best and happiest in a supportive role.
Teachers are made to be a vehicle of information and be mentors for those who don’t know so well. Scientists are made to be the ones discovering it, getting schooled by life along the way.
A professional’s work is all about the achievements and scaling. A steward’s work is all about the stability and mundane service to the community.
My personal stack is Scientist – Devotee – Professional.
Every time I’ve tried being a Leader, a Teacher, or a Steward, I’ve flopped. This isn’t what I was created for.
And every time I’ve prioritized my profession or my devotion over my experimentation, I’ve also flopped.
Every time I’ve tried being anything but a Scientist at heart, I’ve flopped.
What’s your market?
It’s painful and fruitless to try being something or someone you’re not. It’ll always hurt. It’ll always give you minimal results at best.
Yet the funny thing about life is – You can be totally incompetent at your purpose and still naturally, easily have your market.
There’s plenty of born Leaders out there who unite people towards absolutely batshit causes. Just look at modern society’s average immature TikTok personality to see exactly this.
There’s plenty of born Devotees out there who lack compassion towards their partner, Professionals who’d rather get drunk and play video games than follow their heart’s callings…
A huge weight fell from my shoulders when I fully internalized this.
You can’t change the role God appointed you for, to serve humanity through.
You can’t change which markets have a demand for you.
Me, personally, I will never, ever “succeed” in the dating world. There’s no demand for me there. Even when I have had my wins with some girls, this was always in the context of experimentation. I needed to experience those things to know firsthand how this part of life works. Once I got what I needed from my dating life, it dried up. My dating life was only ever a science experiment. Nothing else. I’ve always known I was built for a close, committed relationship, not to be some player indefinitely spinning plates.
Nor will I ever find this committed relationship until I experiment with enough parts of single life and gain these experiments’ results. Nor will I ever succeed in a career path until I’m in that committed relationship, I predict. (I hope to God I’m wrong about this, but the framework says otherwise) At this point in my life, I’m fully aware of what work I can and can’t possibly do, but exactly WHEN I’ll have The Career™ that my skillset is perfect for, that’ll come when it comes.
So, dear reader.
What comes easily to you?
What do you NOT have to wait for? Hope for? Wish you could be?
THAT is your purpose here.
Clear your mind, close your eyes, and relax. Observe your ideal life in the first-person, then keep observing it when you open your eyes. There are no limitations to this. Anything or anyone that’s rejected you in practice, ISN’T YOURS. Don’t think about anyone you’re lovesick for. Don’t think about the career failures. Don’t think about anything besides the best.
The partner who’ll open themselves to you and be yours as soon as you two first meet. The fit, healthy body that only requires the basics of health and fitness to be perfect. The money that comes from nothing more than you doing what you were created for.
You are ETERNALLY the version of yourself who “has it all”. The only reason it may seem otherwise is because you’re the one rejecting what’s right for you, everything that’s eternally your counterpart. It never rejects you. How could every part of your ideal life possibly reject you, if it’s eternally yours?
If I told you 2023 was an easy year for me, I’d be lying. It was the most emotionally taxing year of my life so far, and I wish it was slower and more painful. I experienced worse emotional abuse from “people” than ever before. I felt like there was nothing left for me on this Earth, and I should just cut this life short and reincarnate in another one. I got drunk more frequently than ever before.
Yet now, I’m a happier, much more aligned man for it. I wish 2023 was slower and more painful for me, since that would have woken me up earlier. I wasn’t supposed to be happy and overjoyed about ignoring the long-term career path that IS right for me, and that my entire life is preparing me for. I wasn’t supposed to feel fantastic about lovesickness for girls who don’t deserve my heart’s virginity. Fitness however, I got that right. Nothing keeps me sane quite like calisthenics do. I’ve fully accepted this year that I make better gains training like this…
…than I do with weights.
Why?
Because the exercises are more FUN for me. Doing pushup variations makes me feel more badass than bench pressing or shoulder pressing ever have. Front levers give me more ab gains than anything else.
In fact, the only reason I ever pursued the squat/bench/deadlift way of life was because I falsely believed calisthenics couldn’t challenge my muscles well enough. WRONG. I’m a lot happier (and more jacked) chasing difficult bodyweight exercises than I am chasing numbers on the barbell (and constantly comparing my lifts to other guys’)
You feel positive, happy, relaxed, light, energetic, when you’re engaging in a belief, thought, or action that’s true and/or right for you.
You feel negative, sad, agitated, heavy, and drained when you’re engaging in a belief, thought, or action that’s false and/or wrong for you.
If you didn’t have negative emotions alerting you to misalignments and falsehoods in your life, you’d either be dead, in terrible and life-ruining circumstances, or possibly a sociopath.
You wouldn’t be able to recognize when you’re doing something you were created for, versus when you’re wasting your time on something you’ll never ever be a success with.
My early 20s weren’t accidentally a hopeless grief-fest. All the “waiting” I did back then, for the dream girl to show up, the dating coaching business to finally make a profit, for the adventures and abundance I supposedly had in university to return to me… It hurt. And it hurt for a good reason. I wish my early 20s were slower and more painful.
Now I’m turning 26 in a few weeks, fully aware of everything I am and am not the counterpart to. Calling this feeling “freeing” is an understatement. The dream career, I’m studying for and getting ready for that every day. The dream girl, I have a general idea of who she is and what she’s like, but who EXACTLY she is and when and where I meet her, that’ll surprise me. And I’ve already told you how fun my workouts are for me these days.
I never lacked a purpose in this world. I only falsely believed the illusion of lack, envying other people’s purposes while ignoring my own. I was never some ghost separated from the abundance of life, waiting for his life to begin again. I only falsely believed I was that way, wishing I could “someday” penetrate realities that aren’t truly mine.
Anyhoo.
Do you understand why you’re on this Earth now? Who and what is eternally yours?
Or are you going to be like me in my early 20s, with terrible taste in girls and doing work you’ll forever be undervalued for? Wondering why it’s all going wrong while the truth is staring you right in the face?
I wish you a life of health, success, joy, and full alignment with your God-given purposes,
– Ben
